Addiction - Before you read this - if you are struggling with addictive behaviour - Firstly, Sorry!
It’s one of the hardest thing to acknowledge in ourselves - addiction. I believe it’s a prison definitely worth escaping.
I’m many years clean from cannabis and 3 1/2 years sober from alcohol. I didn’t think I had a problem with either. But now, in hindsight, I was always too afraid to really look at the issues I had.
I used to second guess everything. I’ve had to work hard on simple stuff. Keeping things clear, eating simply, reducing the clutter whether people or things. The flight, fight, freeze was strong in me. As a kid; It got me running x-country for my county in the positive and in the negative kept me anxious.
When we have been raised to become dependent on another’s opinion and not sure of our own footing; we falter, we stumble, we learn to mistrust ourselves. When we are lied to as children we don’t know who to trust. We then reinforce this mistrust with setting goals and never quite accomplishing anything, choosing people to prove we can’t make wholesome choices, creating chaos when all we crave is peace and contentment. We all crave peace. We ALL had peace once upon a time.
In this chaos - I was once addicted to weed, to nullify the stress of the chaos, when I wasn’t high, life seems noisier, scarier and my creativity would evaporate. It was like weed, or being high would give me the respite I needed from myself. It was easy to justify, being part of ‘plant medicine’. I’ve yet to meet an addict who has really, truly got their shit together. At some point it will implode. My implosion bought about self harm, depression, codependence. Lust is chaos, Love is calm. I never knew calm, therefore I never allowed real love in my life. I was like a magnet for chaos, I was anaestheticed from this mindset when high. When I rose above this confining prison.
When high, I was a highly functioning human, but simply replacing one prison for another.
I witness this in others, addiction, no judgement just empathy. One day we get tired of our own justification for crutches we believe we need, and that’s when the work really begins and I rise without assistance these days. I rise and keep kicking and when you surface from torment you realise you can actually float.
Find that space that pervades all of our cells, and in between, the spaces between our toes, our fingers and where our eyelids meet when closed. Nothing is closed really.
Find souls you get to float with. Find souls who know your story and still love you. Find souls who simply reach out their hand and find yours and float alongside you., without pulling you down or making you high.
This float is pure trust. Trust is earned in the meeting of minds. Trust can only exist when you trust yourself first. Trust in yourself can only exist when you stick to your own word, set goals for yourself and achieve them, decide on cultivating a life of healthy abundance and reaping the rewards. Only then can you trust yourself and only then can you float alongside other trustworthy souls.
Today I go live on insta and FB to ask you 3 questions that will sow a seed, tomorrow and Wednesday I will repeat these… and then the beautiful Surrender&Release/Slay your Self-Sabotage masterclass happens on Wednesday evening at 7:30pm and is bookable online via my website. A hour and a half of beautiful gentle yoga, to bring you back to yourself and clear your mind and body. Little steps my friends.
I also have space for just 2 Mindset Coaching clients from January to March. Get in touch if you feel you need to invest in yourself.
Lots of Love