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The lightbulb moment

I have always struggled with my self image. Knowing what I know about psychology and mindset, it is no surprise it has been a constant in my life.

How many films I didn't fully enjoy because I'd be thinking about how I was going to make myself look as attractive as the lead women and be smaller, slimmer, more defined, more .... loveable. Looking back it is so obvious now that my weight or bodyshape was actually nothing to do with any of this. Even at my slimmest I didn't feel enough, and I managed to find relationships with sizist people to confirm this. I was brought up by sizist parents.

You see; (it's taken 51 years to realise) our self image primarily comes from what we feel we deserve, and if people or events cause you to feel unworthy then of course the habits will follow to literally feed this.

I've seen this in therapy clients over the last few years now.

If somebody important to you decides you're not loveable, it can have a huge effect on how you treat yourself. I see it in my drug and alcohol rehab work, and as somebody who used to numb my feelings with whatever I could, until I addressed it with therapy, it became clear that whole families carry the addictions that temporarily soothe the pain.

Being loved and accepted for who you are has a direct impact on daily habits.

If you feel cast out without explanation, or ignored without reason, you will find ways to soothe this.

As cliche as it reads, loving yourself is key. Only you can develop actions that prove to yourself you are worthy.

If you're reading this and it resonates, I am sorry you've felt this too.

But there is a way out.

There will be a defining moment where you realise you deserve love and your whole life will shine with that.

When that happens, you too will be content with yourself, however that looks.

It is the daily, consistant habits that will prove this to you. So I will leave you with this, what are you doing everyday that fuels your deepest beliefs about what you deserve? once you know this you have something to work with.

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