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I FELL TO MY KNEES

There is a physical reaction when we are hit with abrupt news of death. Shock causes the body to send all the blood to the heart because the jolt literally shocks your core. This is called vasoconstriction and it helps conserve blood flow to the vital organs. When this happens, the blood pressure drops, which can be fatal, all your blood leaves your limbs and head. Hence, fainting, or falling down. Just typing this, my knees and elbows feel funny, and not funny haha.

We can also remember exactly where we were when we learnt of something shocking. This is because neural pathways are created. Which then means anything that reminds you of the event or the person will bring you straight into fight, flight, fight response. This then becomes a chronic way of being unfortunately and pulls the structure of your body into all kinds of gnarly patterns.

In my humble opinion and from a quarter of a century of reading bodies and inhabiting my own for double that time. What I’ve come to make sense is; I have been falling forward since the day I found out about the death of my father. Unfortunately, it lay upon my daughter to inform me, as we had been estranged for a year and a half. I literally fell down, on my own in the kitchen.

And only recently, nearly 18 months later am I realising what this had done to my gait.

gait; plural noun - a person's manner of walking.

I’ll add here, standing, lying, sitting and being.

In my experience we carry on falling forwards with unresolved, complicated grief, loss, shock.

So, what can be done. Firstly, find a therapist/coach. Untangle the words swarming in your head. BWRT® has a grief protocol. We can find a dignified goodbye. Ironically my own father pointed me towards this life saving neural pathway work before we separated. Double ironically it was this that ignited the necessary breakdown of our relationshjp in the first place. Forever grateful.

In my experience working with clients, once the neural pathways are redirected into a more present, in this moment, right here now! pathway, then we can retrain the body to ‘come home’ as I always say. Something as simple as dropping down into your feet in your mind when standing, finding your heels, softening your knees as though you’re standing on a moving bus or train… allow your legs to receive gravity. Find your heels. Then find the tripod of the foot. From the roots of the big toe, little toe and heel. You’ll be amazed what you can transform with this deep listening/feeling.

For me this has been a lesson of humility as I find my acceptance of a benign tumour that formed in my left foot as I kept on falling… falling.. until I stopped.

I’ve never felt so close to the divine energy of the universe and our own mortality.

You’ve got to turn inward to come out. Or as my Dad used to say, your wheels have come off and you just need to put them back on…. Although I’m now upgrading the whole vehicle. From here I feel a soul connection, to him, to everyone, to everything.






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